At What Age Would You Let Your Child Start Dating?
2 May 2009
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33 Comments
I’ve heard some people, especially religious people, restrict the age at which their child can start dating.
Can some parents and teenagers give me their views please?
And can you please say in your answer whether you are a parent or a teenager?
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I’m a mother of twin 12 year old girls and three more daughters younger than them, but I don’t have an age set and I am Christian. They recently started thinking boys are cute and when I think they are ready, I will let them go…My husband on the other hand, wants them to be at least 14, which I think is okay! They can wait 2 more years to go out with a boy. They are definitely allowed to go to school dances, but I know some parents who don’t let their children participate in that even!
I’m a parent, but it’s been less than 10 years since I was a teenager and started dating my husband. My belief, as a Christian, is that dating shouldn’t happen until both people are ready to be married and then they should seriously be pursuing a likely marriage, if at all possible with the approval of the woman’s parents, and ideally the man’s as well. Even then no physical intimacy until marriage. This is sometimes popularly called courtship.
If dating is just going to be friendship, then there’s no need to break off into single boy/girl pairings. Song of Solomon says many times not to stir up or awaken love until it pleases, in other words until it’s the right time. That’s sound advice, and the Bible teaches that the right time for physical intimacy is within marriage. It’s foolish to set oneself in the path of temptation when you’re far away from being able to righteously fulfill it.
In our community, many people don’t let their kids date until they’re 16. It works for some kids, but for others it just means they’re sneaking around their parents’ backs and seeing a boyfriend/girlfriend at school.
Instead of saying “dating” is restricted, I’ve preferred to restrict what my kids can do with a date. We didn’t allow our daughter to go out alone with a guy until she was 16. We’ve also encouraged her to hang out with guys her own age. I think that too much of an age difference can create a power imbalance where the boy can pressure the girl too much. That age difference varies by age: I wouldn’t let a 14-15 year old date a guy more than a year older, and wouldn’t let a 16-year-old date one more than two years older.
Of course, all of this has to be handled delicately. You don’t want a Romeo & Juliet situation on your hands. It’s best if you explain your logic and offer alternatives, such as time spent at your house and encouraging activities with kids your own child’s age.
Hope that helps. The earlier you can explain the rules, the more likely they are to be accepted.
Hi, 36 year old parent of a 12 year old here. My son has just started dating now, all very sweet at his age, a trip to the cinema and a trip into townand a million phone calls. He goes with has friend and her friend in a little foursome. If I thought it was moving too fast I may have an issue but my son is a pretty sensible kid, and I hope that letting him date now will prepare him for later. I remember how much more heartbreaking it is when someone ‘dumps’ you when you’rs a kid. i wouldn’t want to drop in at the deep end as it were by not allowing him to experience it until later when he is (even more) hormonal, and there is a lot of peer pressure.
Having said that I’m not sure I would be the same with a girl - might have to interrogate the lad first!!
You know your children best, you will know when it is right. I always used to worry when is it ok to let him go out on his, walk to school on his own etc, but it actually has happened very naturally, so don’t worry too much.
Hope this helps
M
I’m 19 and the official rule at my house that applies to me, my 17 yr old sister, and my 14 yr old brother is that we aren’t allowed to date one-on-one (no chaperone) until we’re 16. My parents never had a problem with us hanging out with kids of the opposite gender and I have always had “boyfriends” though I never really started dating til I could drive.
I think 16 is a great age for officially letting kids date because they’re hitting a new part of their independence where they can drive and hang out on their own without needing parents around constantly. I know some parents don’t believe in restricting the age, but I’m a teenager who thinks that kids still need boundaries, especially when it comes to dating
I’d say about twelve for my little boy, and maybe thirty for a little girl! I am a parent, (though only for six months). In all seriousness, I think you have to play it by ear. Every kid is different, some are far more mature than others. And in todays day and age surely the best you can hope for is that your little bundle of joy doesnt get knocked up by some skank or hurt in a million other ways? When they’ve shown they can handle hurt is that not the time?
okay im currently 17, and im pretty happy ith saying that if i was a parent id let my child date who he or she wants, but from my own experience i would limit some aspects of what my child would do. For example it would be okay for my child to go to the cinema with his/her date, or go shopping or other activities, but i would not let them sleep up eachothers houses, leave them in an empty house until an appropriate age. Dating is okay, just limit what they do
i am 16 now and i started dating when i was about 13/14 and my parents didnt mind that, aslong as we weren’t alone in a house on our own
the reason being that my mum gave birth to me when she was 16 so she is a little strict on me being alone with guys
but now im older, im allowed to date who i want … where i want
so answering your question, i would say 13
I’m a teenager, and ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now, and we spend the night at each others houses
I’m only 15
I think you should be able to date at any age
But being able to spend the night is a rare thing and can only be handled by more mature teenagers
Hi, I am a teen and i think that it really depends on the child. But i have never heard of a parent sayin oh u r 13 now so u can date. I think its a matter of waitin for the child to come home and sayin i have a bf or gf and takin it from dere. But if it were me i would say 14 is kl but just ensure there are limitation e.g cant stay over at each others house etc. hope this helps.x
I’m 13 now, and I would say about 13/14,
although it’s not REALLY dating until the guy picks the girl up and takes her out alone. Around my age is good for like, holding hands and maybe some kissing, but not making out. Once you’re 15, I would consider that real dating, since most couples that age last longer than a week. haha.
im 13 now and started dating when i was 12 1/2. the farthest ive gone is holding hands and kisses but im not doin sex till im WAY older. . . .my mom didnt mind bc she knew the guy pretty well but now if i get a bf she doesnt know, she must meet and approve of him. if she disapproves, i dont know. she likes all the guys i date. i have only 5 bfs so far and im single now and plannin on it for a while.
boys are drama.
i am a teenager and personally i feel any age is acceptable as long as the other half is of a reasonable age. If you can trust your child then its is his/her decision… you just need to advise him/her on the situation.Just reasure them they can come to you for any advice they may need.
x
well i think around 15-16 is good. my brother “dated” when he was about 10 though. i think a limit is good though. my brother, who dated so many girls and is 19, just doesnt want to date anymore cuz its frustrating. same thing with my cousin. letting kids “go out” is not the same thing as dating. i think dating is much more serious and formal. so just go by your beliefs and your teens needs.
16 cuz boys pressurize girls into sex and they will end up with no future as there was a study that said that girls between the ages of 14-17 who had several relationships were more likely to have mental problems later on in life, girls need to focus on their studies, poster boys, concerts and their girlies.
let them date in middle school. they won’t do anything, more than half the people in middle school have no idea what sex is anyway. and if they do, they have no idea how to do it.
I’m in middle school, 13 yrs old. 8th grader. usually only 7th and 8th graders know what it is and they’re not stupid enough to do it. some of them are but if you trust your kid then let them go in middle school!!!
Im 13 and my mom wont let me date till Im 15.This kinda bothers me sometimes but hey once Im 15 I’ll have the rest of my life to date so who cares you know besides I only gotta wait like less than two years now.But I would say 15 or 14 is good.
I am a Mom and Grandma— 16 in group activities. movies shopping. Enjoy being a kid it goes to fast. get good grades. life can be very hard– I was married at 17 and had a baby at 18 and it hard. be a kid while you can.
well im a 17 year old and i would let my son/daughter start dating at the age of 15 so there still young but i could give them a chance to grow up and find things out for themselves instead of making all there choses for them
I am 21 and also a mother of 2 children.I would say about 13 is a good time.15 for a date with parent or sibling.16 with a drivers license and good grades for a one on one date.
im 15 and i say 14 is a good age (since you’re in high school) for like just going to the movies or the mall then 16 for the real stuff like coming over the house for dinner, etc
15 is a decent age..but don’t just be concerend about what AGE they’re dating…u need to watch out for some of the stuff they do….u don’t want them being young mummies and daddies now do you?..hpe i helped XxXxX
my litlle brother has gone on a date and has a girlfriend…. he is 10… he went to a restaurant to drink coffee with her.
i find this weird..
when i asked him if hes kissed her he said… i would but i dont know how…. lol
xxxxxxxxx
We’re not “strictly religious” (hell…my brother’s and I aren’t even religious at all), but my mum told be that I could double date when I was 14 and single date when I was 16. :3
I am a teenager, i have experienced alot about datin, i would say, wait until they are about 15 to 16 in high school,
Whenever they feel they are ready to date. I have friends who parents dont let them date and they still do, just to rebel.
Errm,
Whatever Age They Want To Start Dating At,
Im 14 By The Wayy.
An I Would Hate It Iff I Was Controlled As To When I Could Date.
Luckily Im Nott
x
it comes natural they date at a age they feel they could date at if they feel attracted to someone or are in love either way
I would say 13 bcz its when they start getting aware of all their emotions and feelings.
i think 13 is a good age
but not a serios relationship
just like a couple of kisses and hugs and nothing more
I am a parent and think about 3 is a good age to start dating
hi im rachael im 14 and im not allowd to date till im 16 and i hate it!!!there are so many things you can lean from dateing like how to chose the right people and more about who you are….ive had to sneak around my parents on the internet and im too afraid to reson with them…my 2 older brothers went throught it and i dont think my mother inforced the rule with them but since im the only girl out of 5 kids they are always onto me about it….being kept from the people you like or love is depressing…it tears you apart its like being told you cant be with your husband or wife its the same thing and you would rather your kids learn how to deal with a break up now then when they have to support themselves in life and you cant be there to take care of them dateing streathens your child keeping them from guys tears them apart they will date when there ready not when you are if you cant start letting them go now youll never be abel to and when there 18 they’ll break away and want nothing to do with you…i think its wrong
im a 16 year old christian guy and i think that 15 is a pretty good age. staying at the other person’s house is absolutely ridiculous though. have them over for dinner. invite them 2 church activities. take them with 0ut with friends. when u hit about 16 i’d say u can hang out more alone. just dont be hanging out somewhere not public or when no one is home. that is temptation that is easily avoided.
pre-marital hand-holding and maybe a little kiss here and there might be okay to do within reason. sucking face(making out) is out of the question at least until your getting very serious on marriage.
There is really no specific age to start dating, u just have to prove to your parents that your mature enough to handle it and not do anything stupid.
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