What Is The Respectable Length Of Time To Start Dating Again After The Death Of A Spouse.?
10 August 2009
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my brother passed away and his widow started dating right away. I think Im the only one in the family that had a problem with it. I know its none of my business but I cant help being hurt by it. They had a daughter together.
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother
While I’m not sure if there’s anything written about what’s acceptable and expected, I think anything less than six months to a year is pretty rude and inappropriate. Of course it’s not your place to say anything, and you want to keep a relationship with your niece as she grows up … but it’s understandable for you to have bad feelings about it.
*big hug*
I think it depends on a lot on the situation. For example, I had a friend whose husband had a serious illness for three years. He was in hospital and unresponsive to any stimuli. Eventually, when he died, she started dating pretty much immediately afterward. I did not have a problem with that.
I had another friend whose wife died suddenly. She was about 50 as was he. He started dating pretty much right afterward. He married a woman he worked with. She was in her late 30′s. They had children together in the next couple of years. He has told me that he felt he had to do it quickly or his friend would never have experienced being a mother.
It is kind of hard to judge unless you know all the facts.
I knew a woman who did that. Her husband suddenly died of an appendicitis and right after she had him cremated, she put his urn of ashes on top of the TV and was in the bedroom with another guy. I was very disgusted by it! This woman was a typical drunk who drank everyday. I truly felt bad for her dead husbands family. She had friends who were all for her with her new love but I just couldn’t have done something like that myself. It was a very good thing that this woman did not have any kids. I think she should have waited for at least a few months before dating again. If my husband were to die I honestly don’t feel I could love another man like I love him.
The fact that YOU are hurt by this tells me you don’t have clear boundaries. This isn’t an assault on you, and in fact, has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Doesn’t matter if they had 10 daughters together – that’s apples and oranges here to try to equate this to the amount of time the widow is “supposed” to wait.
Everyone’s grieving time is their own and should be respected.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I don’t think we can put a time limit on waiting to date after the death of a spouse; however, i think that with death, there is more closure than with a divorce.
Your sister in law probably realized she had a choice — sit around and be miserable and die inside because she lost her husband, who can never return OR get out into the world and live again.
She deserves to continue her life until she dies.
I hope this helps.
Tammi her vows said till death do part she is in titled to date any time she wants to just don’t judge her to harshly could be that she is hurting so much that this is her way of dealing with it guess you will never know unless you sit down and talk to her just don’t attack her just ask her why she is starting to date so soon tell her that you are worried about her. we all deal with grief in our own way so be nice . sorry to hear about the brother mine died 2 years ago january 30th
There is no set time. I’m sorry for the loss of your brother. She may not have had a good marriage with him or she may be extremely selfish or she may just be coping, whatever the reasons are it doesn’t matter. Your brother is gone and that is so sad. She’s going to live her life the way she wants to no matter who it affects so try to just not care what she’s doing.
Some people need to move on fast…Its too hard to sit and be sad at your loss. I am like that. .I have to keep moving or I will fall apart so fast that I would never recover. Everyone copes differently.
It depends on the age. Statistically, women after 35 are less likely to be married again. Men usually have no problem finding new wives if they want to. So time is against a woman in this regard
What a hard question, I couldn’t even fathem such a thing.
I guess it would be different for everyone, when they feel ready.
I am so sorry..
the respectable time is one year
I’m sorry for your loss. I personally think less than 6 months is a bit disrespectful.
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