Have You Had An Abortion, How Did It Make You Feel?
by Anon Member since:
19 February 2008
Total points:
106 (Level 1) hi, I’ve had an abortion and I didn’t take to it lightly. It was the hardest choice I have ever had to make, i wasn’t 100% on keeping the baby and I wasn’t 100% of having an abortion but all the negatives swayed me over. I 22 years old and can barely look aftet my self properly, I don’t have a home, I don’t earn enough money and when I knew that I coundn’t offer the baby anything I though abortion was the right thing to, even though I didnt like the idea of killing my own baby someone in my head was telling me this is what I had to do, I would cry everyday going through all the appointments so I would back out and decided not to do but this felt wrong! So I went ahead and done, my boyfriend of 2 years is also not ready for baby and wants to give his baby the best he can, as I would’nt of been a single parent it would of been hard to get a place from the council and I didnt want to raising my baby relying on benefits, its hard. I’ve been through it all when I was a kid and I dont want to do it again.
I was 20 weeks pregnant, I only found out 3 weeks before so this also scared me as I didnt have any symptoms, no sickness, no cravings, no tender boobs and I didnt even have a baby bump!!! So i was soo scared about the babies health as I didnt know I was pregnant and I was doing everything I shouldn’t, I was doing things more then what I usually do, I was smoking, drinking, etc. Doing all the things that was wrong during pregnancy!!
I feel so guilty now having the abortion, I’ve been through it all, crying, guitness, sadness, disappointed, feel ashamed. I’ve only started to feel better (abortion was 11 weeks ago) yet I think about it still all day everyday. I also feel quitly for when I plan to have children in the future that I’m letting them have them life and I will love them with all my heart and I didnt for this baby, i feel that it knows and it will look down on me seeing me and i feel so bad!!!
If i can change the clocks back I would but only so i didnt get pregnant in the 1st place, I still dont feel like we are ready for a baby, mainly finanically!!!
I’m soo sorry for the long answer but I wanted to say everything so people don’t judge me, I didnt just have the abortion because i didnt want the baby full stop, it was a very very hard decision to make!!!
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i believe that you did not kill the baby, you just decided not to have it yet! if you decide to have a baby later on in life (this life or another one) – i believe it will be the same child! ( not everyone has the same beliefs as me! thats fine if you don’t!)
i think the people who have wrote bad stuff on here should post the worst thing they have ever done in their life and see what everyone else has to say about that!
we all have to do stuff we feel guilty about – but you know deep in your heart it was the right thing to do!
adoption is not always the answer to abortion!
it will take time to get over, but you will and you should really try to get back into your normal life and try not to let it take over your life, cos it will!
was you offered councelling after the abortion? its not too late too change your mind if you said no or if you wasn’t offered it, speak to your doctor- or call the abortion clinic!
you did the right thing! trust your instincts!
I had an abortion due to stage III cancer. It was life or death. However, I had it terminated at 5 weeks. There was no heartbeat at that point. I have no grief or guilt; I simply chose to live.
It’s easy to judge someone, but how many other women have been in my spot? The pregnancy would not have survived chemo or radiation anyway. It was a difficult decision, but I am so thankful to be alive.
i soo feel for you…. i am 5 weeks pregnant and for oh so many reasons i have to have a termination, i am having it next Friday and i cry everyday from now… i keep touching my tummy and thinking how will it look like if i leave it? what will happen? how will it change my life? i must admit that i love that child inside me… but very unfortunately i can’t keep it… my family lives abroad and they will totally erase me from their lives if they got to know abt my pregnancy… financially, me and my partner are super broke and that’s not the life i want for my kids… i am so very sad for it all, from the day i knew i was pregnant, i feel that i will have no life after the abortion, but for me my mum, dad and brothers are much more important.. i am stressed, confused and sad deeply sad about my decision… so i perfectly understand u… just tell ur self that its better that way and that u’ll have a family and u’ll have everything to offer when its the right time for u… please email me if u need any further support, all my love xxx
Hi,i can understand how u feel,i went through a silmar situation as you 15 years ago&i was 23 weeks gone,i am not proud of what i done,but at the time it was the only option i had&i have lived with this for the past 15 years¬ a day goes by,when i dont think about it.you are not a bad person,you did what u had 2 do&dont listen 2 these people that write&say all these negavtive things.a woman has a right to choose&having an abortion is not an easy thing to do.i still feel ashamed 2day for what i did.and i still sometimes wish i could turn the clock back,but i cant.you need time for yourself.you will get better,as they say time heals&dont feel guilty for what you did,you did what you had to do.everyone has their right to say.but at the end of the day you have to listen to yourself&you will get better.15 years on,i am now pregnant again&am now in my 22 week&i am keeping this one,but i still think about what i did&it makes me sad.
I really did not think i could get pregnant again after what i did&when i found out.i was pregnant with this child.i was happy&i have also cried about what i have done&i dont think that will ever go away.
Time does heal i promise you.you have to move on with your life.you will have postive&negative days its normal,but as each day goes by you will get stronger,and the pain does go away.
And one day when you are older you will have children&you will love them with your heart&you will always have a special place for the one that you could not have&it will not look down on you,it was just not the right time for you to have this child.
I wish you from all my heart love&happiness u are not a bad person,you did what you had to do,move on with your life&enjoy each new day that comes&slowley these feelings do go away&when they are there,cry think about it,but dont ever feel ashamed&most importanly dont ever ever let other people judge you,i think you are a very brave person by writing about what u did,it takes a lot of guts to do that.and i wish you all the love for your future.
You say you dont have a home.. So wouldnt that mean you live in the streets? Or you have a “home” but its just not a house.. Anyways you must have a home because you have a computer and internet..
And theres always adoption! Especially when you were already almost FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT! Sorry but thats just wrong to get an abortion that late.
I’ve had to change my comment- i have just read what i missed yesterday. You had an abortion at 20weeks?!
Before 12weeks is maybe ok, but that late on? That’s almost 6months-and you never knew?
i don’t know what to say.
I have not had an abortion, but my very best friend has, almost 2 years ago. She says she still thinks about it every single day. And on her due date she had a breakdown. It’s gotta be hard, and its a very hard decision to make. Your going to grieve, that all you can do. I think everyone would like to go back in time to change a big mistake they have made at one point in time, and the world would be a better place if we could. But you have to grieve and move on. Good luck in the future.
I sure as hell won’t judge you. No-one can until they have walked a mile in your shoes.
I was raped by my uncle when I was 14 years old, and ended up pregnant as a result of the rape. So I had a termination.
To the moron that talked about “killing”. You clearly have not got the faintest idea about life. You are entitled to your views and that is fair enough, but DO NOT have the gaul to force them onto someone who is clearly going through emotional hell right now. That’s beyond low.
Making the decision is never easy. But you know in your heart that you did the right thing for you. I have nothing but respect and admiration for you.
But don’t bottle this up. Talk to people. Get counselling to help you cope. Be strong. Be kind to yourself. You ARE a good person. (((hugs)))
I did years ago, and on the scale of things it was the right thing to do at the time. Although the pregnancy was planned, what wasnt planned was my partner at the time walking out after the pregnancy was confirmed. Couldnt deal with that. He wanted the abortion, I didnt want to be alone with another kid, already had a child. He was young, I was foolish and it took years to deal with what I had done, but it was the right thing to do. I think about what could have been now and again but I punished myself enough and have moved on. It takes time but you soon weigh up the reasons and deal with it.
Well dont let people tell you adoption is the only answer first of all if I could b* slap thru e-mail I would!!! I also had abortion when I was 25…. I am now 30. I was at a point in my life similar to yours. I just started dating the man I was with at the time, I was even on birth control pills!!! And three months into the relationship I was pregnant. I have a 8 year old daughter already, I was not financially ready for a baby, the guy I was with was freaking out on me , so I had a choice (which all women do) do I want to bring a baby into the world without a father, without financial stability? No I do not! Am I saying it does not haunt me? Oh it does, it was the hardest most difficult decision I have ever made in my life, and the guy and I stayed together up til about a year ago, so I would be a single mom of two?
It sucks bottom line, it is a hard decision and I believe you made the unselfish decision… I know your pain and I feel for you. If you belive in god ask him to help you heal, best of luck to you
i cant belive what i read everytime a question or comment comes up in this forum regarding abortion…how can the previous post say that women who have abortions dont deserve children later on in life…we all understand that for some getting pregnant is hard and even worse for some women we all know but you do not know these women so how can people judge.
if the women at the time feels that this is the only option then so be it its her life her body to do this to.
and she may well regret it later on but for some its a well thought through hard time and they have no regrets it was all in there situation at that point in life.
and them that say adoption is an answer what makes you think that a baby given up for adoption would always get a loving home.
if a women makes this decision once in her life it does make her a bad person and espescially does not make her an potential unfit mother to be in future
for the women answering asking this question to begin with
i feel for you really do and pls dont listen to the people on this site preaching there views to you
maybe you should seek profesional help and see your doctor for a bit of support to help you overcome this
you are not a bad person and dont listen to these post
i sometimes wounder where these people come from on here to say what they do
good luck with everything xx
Hun, don’t tell people on here, they will only be c****’s about it. If you need somebody to talk to about it make it a family member or friend. You are bound to be in a fragile state right now, so don’t worry about other people’s opinions. You made the decision which was best for you, remember that always, deal with it your own way and move on in your life. x
Well….listen…what’s done is done.
I think what will help you move on most is getting it together. Why can you barely look after youself at 22? Why don’t you have a good job? Why isn’t this boyfriend a postive influence? why are you so out of touch with your body that you made it 17 weeks? Why do you believe you would have needed goverment benefits instead if setting your mind to “I can do this, whether I give the baby up or keep him/her”? These are the things in your life which you must now evaluate. You still have a chance to USE this as a learning experience. The only way this will ALL BE IN VAIN IS IF YOU DO NOT LEARN. You need answers to all the questions I asked you, for yourself.
Look in the mirror, and you will find your answers. Let go of the guilt and do what grown-ups do and learn. Reconnect with quality friends and family.
its done and you cant go back, i couldnt personally do it seeing a video on you tube made me cry but you did what you had to do! think ahead to providing and gettin a life together for your future children xxx
My dear you did what you had to do. It would have been much more cruel later on if you were not ready for the baby (financially and emotionally). Think of it this way; since you care you did not want your baby to have a miserable life. Right now you need to take care of yourself and reach your full potential. Come to peace with your decision and move on. Probably this was an excellent learning experience for you which will make you a better human being and a better mom in future. Good luck!
You did the right thing for you at the time. Please don’t feel guilty.
There will be those that judge. There will be those that understand. It’s very chancey to talk about such a private decision in such a public forum, but now that you’ve done it, you’re going to have to take some of the comments with a very large grain of salt.
Abortion is a choice that is legal for you to make, and everyone has their own opinion about the morality of it. You made your choice based on the data available to you at the time. No one can prepare you for how you will feel afterward.
I have heard about having a private ceremony in such a situation…a very private time that you set aside for just you and the soul that would have joined you if you’d kept the baby….take as much time as you need in a quiet spot where you won’t be interupted. Light a candle, create an atmosphere of whatever your spiritual beliefs promote. Focus on the baby and what his/her soul feels like. Then, once you sense the soul’s presence, cry, explain, rail if you need to, ask for that soul’s forgiveness…..express it all….and then wait and see what comes back to you. I have heard it can be a very healing experience.
Blessings to you.
Adoption is an answer, you don’t have to kill someone because you cannot care for them. Through adoption, they might be able to come back when you are ready. When you kill them, youw ill only feel guilty.
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