How To Deal With My Crazy-cat-lady Grandma. I’m Getting Resentful.?
My Grandmother and her husband own a duplex and they allowed me to rent one after my divorce. I pay $800 a month, which for a starving single mother, nursing student is hard to manage but still a better deal than most anywhere else around here.
Initially, when my Gma offered to let me move in she said that I could bring my dog with me. I was thrilled. I really wanted to have my dog with me. She’s 10 years old and my baby. My ex wasn’t much of an animal lover.
Well, a week before I’m supposed to move in she mentions how her best friend (the old tenant in my new place) didn’t want to take her cat on the long drive to Montana where she was moving. So, my Grandma agreed to take care of him. She asked if I wouldn’t mind letting this cat stay in my house at night and just let him out during the day. She said he didn’t use a litter box he went outside. I then told her, my dog doesn’t do well with cats and that I’m afraid she would attack it. Then my Grandma says “Oh, no dear, there’s no room for your dog here.’ and acts as if she honestly forgot ever offering. So long story short, I had to leave my dog. Haven’t seen her in a year. 
I told my Grandma I’m busy between work, school, my son and don’t want to be responsible for taking care of the cat. And that I didn’t want the cat in my house because I don’t want fleas in my house and because the cat has long hair. She said she was disappointed but understood.
Well, since then she comes over nearly everyday. I’ve even found her coat in my house and I noticed cat hair on my sofa I think she was letting the cat inside to “hang out” with her so that “he could feel at home”. And now I’ve noticed fleas in my carpeting, a year after moving in!
She’s obsessed with this cat. She won’t take him to her house because he’s aggressive with her other cats. She pushes it on my cousin too, who isn’t interested in caring for the cat but does so out of obligation. She’s gone as far as letting the cat into his house when he’s not there so that it can be “comfortable” and will adjust the heat or air conditioner to “make it more comfortable” for the CAT! His wife and him complain to me but do and say nothing.
The fact is that we’re fortunate to live in this duplex and get a reasonable deal on rent. However we’re not living here for free and how much is enough when it comes to this cat? Neither of us want it and our Grandma doesn’t seem to care. She just tries to guilt us.
Now she has the cat coming into the laundry room every night, we have to leave the door opened for it all day and then bring him in at night. We’re having problems now with possoms and raccooms coming into the laundry room, peeing, pooping, eating all of the cat food… and other cats coming in and spraying. It stinks.
Not sure what to do. Others tell me to just take the cat to animal control or an adoption agency to get rid of it. but I know my Grandma would worry herself sick.
How do I handle this? We used to have a good relationship but now the ONLY time I ever hear from her is when she’s calling to ask me to take care of baby cat in some way (even though I’ve already told her I don’t want that responsibility) or to see how baby cat’s doing. It’s ridiculous.
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Get the cat and take it to an animal resource centre a long way from you and then tell her that on route to work / school you noticed the cat limping after being hit by a car and so you took it to a vet. There they said that there was nothing that they could do and they put it down and cremated her on your behalf.
You’re sorry for her loss blah blah blah and then hope and pray that she doesn’t want to contact the vet.
I’m guilty of this as I had the same problem and therefore decided enough was enough. I did as I suggested when she was out for the day and would not find out that I actually went to work and prayed that she would accept that. She did and I got rid of that cat, the fleas etc and gained my fur free home back, the cat was given to a family who loved it and she accepted that the car had died and moved on with her life.
Good luck in your decision.
KD
Have you and your cousin tried to do an intervention together? Perhaps that is what it will take is the two of you sitting and discussing with her your situation.. Inform her that there are now fleas in the house and that they are biting also by leaving the laundry room door open you are risking exposure to rabies from the raccoons and possums coming into the house. If the Cat is exposed to them and is not current on its rabies then it or any of her other cats that are exposed to it could end up being quarantined by animal control. There are many risks she is taking on behalf of a friends cat. You her own granddaughter gave up your dog for her the least she could do is show you the same respect and respect your wishes to not have this cat in your home it is an additional responsibility that you are not capable of taking on… Good Luck to you I hope you find a way to resolve this with her..
I personally think what she’s asking is unreasonable. If you move out does she think she’ll be able to rent the unit “cat included?” Anyways, it doesn’t really matter what I think.
The bottom line is that your Grandma is giving you a break on rent and expects something in return for it.
She is the landlord. You accept her terms or find another place to live.
You asked this as an etiquette question:obviously Grandma is violating all etiquette by her behavior. Unfortunately, you have only 2 real choices, as effective complaining would be bad manners in this case (and she has already demonstrated an unwillingness to listen).
You can stay where you are and learn to love it. Yes, there is the whole invasion of privacy and tenant aspect, but you also have a family relationship issue to deal with, and Grandma is obviously going to be hurt if you are aggressive here, and killing the cat or shipping it away is not an option.
My vote on your best bet to save the relationship and be gracious is to start looking for another place to live. I understand that is not going to be easy, but preserving your sanity without being evil doesn’t really suggest many other options.
Good luck.
Oh I just got an idea! You can tell her that your “friend” is interested in “adopting” the cat. When your grandmother diasgrees, just do it anyways like your grandmother does. You can give the cat to an animal shelter and everything will be golden!
Could you arrange to ship the cat to the previous owner, up in Montana, without Grandma knowing?
Or you could take deliberate action to make the cat very sick.
Tell her you are developing serious allergies and your doctor does not want you to be around the cat anymore because it will seriously affect your health.
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