Severely Depressed, Can I Have Some Advice?
I am really really depressed about the way I look. I’m 19 years, old, I’m 5’4″ and I weight about 200 pounds. I used to weigh 270, so I dropped 70 pounds, I still have to lose about 60 more, but that isn’t the problem. Losing the weight is never the problem for me anymore.
The big problem is my body looks so disgusting. I have loose skin almost everywhere, my stomach, my sides, my arms sag horribly. I have stretch marks all up and down my arms, my stomach, my back. I have fat rolls in weird places, my breasts sag horribly from losing the first 70 pounds (remember I’m only 19!) and to top it all off I have bad cellulite all over my legs, thighs, stomach, and arms.
I hate myself so much to a point where I can’t get out of bed somedays. I feel physically sick looking at myself, I shower and get changed in the dark. I don’t feel human anymore. I don’t feel like I deserve anything but sadness and pain because of the way I look. I feel like mutated, deformed. Disgusting. What I think and feel doesn’t matter because how horribly disgusting I am outweighs that. I don’t matter in this society.
I don’t have health insurance and my family is on the verge of bankruptcy so I can’t really get any psychological help from professionals.
I have a boyfriend who loves me but I feel like he deserves so much more than I can offer him. He tells me he loves me for who I am and that he is attracted to me, but I feel like while he’s dating me he could be missing out on the chance to be with someone much better looking… I love him to death, he is hands down the best thing in my life right now, but everything just feels so hopeless for me. I feel more like a burden to him than a blessing in his life. The last thing I want to do is make him unhappy in any way.
I really just find myself thinking of suicide almost every single day. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I can’t accept myself for the way I am. What can I do? I have attempted suicide in the past, and I know I’m capable of it in the future. I wouldn’t have to deal with waking up and being myself anymore… and maybe my life insurance policy will help my family get out of debt? I don’t know.
I’m not sure what I’m expecting from asking this. If anyone answers I appreciate it.
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You are lucky on two counts: one, you know how to lose weight, and have lost weight and kept it off; two, you have a boyfriend who loves and supports you emotionally. Hang on to him.
When I get really down, I try to look at my problems piecemeal instead of all at once. It sounds like you have at least kept your health through all of this, so I’ll assume the problem is really an aesthetic one. In time, when you lose the other 60 lbs., you will look a lot better, and the cellulite will disappear. Soon, you will be able to exercise (just walking is great!), and that will help you tone those spots you are unhappy with. Finally, down the road, when your economic situation is better, you can have the excess skin removed. People who lose a lot of weight often have to have this done.
In the meantime, I would concentrate on finding some meaningful purpose or inspiration for your life–be it poetry, journal writing, dancing, writing for the public, church, reading good books, school, photography, etc. Maybe you have some artistic talent you’ve left behind? Reading about others in strife can help give you inspiration.
There have been 2 suicides in my immediate family. I cannot convey to you the pain, sadness, guilt, anger, and punishment your loved ones will go through if you decide to take your life. It is NOT worth it.
In Australia, there is an organization called MIND–look them up and see if they can find a counselor for you. At least let your family doctor know how you feel, asap.
I’m sorry you’re going through all this. Here’s wishing you a sunnier tomorrow.
well, your obviously sad so lets start with a hug *hug*
right, your not ugly, dead people hit by meatcleavers are ugly
yout not dead, ill just assume that.
look, i didnt really understand your question, can you email me and we’ll chat from there?
suicide isnt the smartes idea, yes, the insureance would get them out of debt maybe, but the greif would posibly drive them to lose jobs, incure more debt drinking their problems away, so on and so forth, it wont solve ****.
You’re overly stressing. I don’t think you’re depressed, I think you just need to relax. If your boyfriend tells you he loves you for “you” and not what you look like, well, I would be the luckiest girl in the world if mine said that to me. If you’re really suicidal, I suggest you call the suicide hot-line and get some help. Why not talk to your boyfriend? I’m sure he can pure some confidence into you and tell you that you shouldn’t do stupid things and think stupid thoughts. I wish you luck and I hope that you find a good solution for your problem (which isn’t really a problem if you ask me). Good luck now and one more thing: don’t kill yourself.
Well all I can say is that you are not alone girl. I also have stretch marks and it really does bother me too but your going to have to start learn to appreciate them and accept who you are. In this life we have to accept the good along with the bad because thats just the way it is. I am human and so are you, we are all valuable. You know your boyfriend doesn’t really care about how you look, if he did think about it, would he be with you right now? No, I didn’t think so…so just don’t beat yourself up for it. Try looking into a mirror and saying that you are beautiful or say something like oh nice hair or nice eyes…these compliments will help, it may seem weird but it works. Thinking positive thoughts is the best thing you can do.
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