Comments on: This Is Long, But Please Read, Need Serious Advice?

By: Erika

Erika — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 18:29:09 +0000

How about when you get your tax refund, take about a thousand from it. Get a place near your family members that ARE good influences. Then find a part time job or full time, depending on your surroundings. Go to the welfare office, file for food stamps, Medicaid and tanf (temporary assistance for needy families) and try to make it out on your own. You can also apply for hud housing, that would help out a lot. You do deserve a LOT better and nothing can stop you if you really, REALLY try. Oh yeah, you can also apply for assistance with childcare. So there are a lot of resources for you to gain from. Good Luck and God Bless. Oh yeah, it was long, but I read it all. Messsage me if anything else you would like to know. Hope I helped!

By: natasha p

natasha p — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 12:25:24 +0000

file for divorce. to begin with. see if you can move in with any of your ralatives or parents. it might not be easy, but if you really want a change, you have to do this.
then prepare for the custody hearings. tell judge about his grug and alchohol problems, and request a drug test.
once you past all that, get a job. any reasonable job. get food stamps, and whatever other help you can.
and keep going to school,even if its a little bit at a time.

By: Rapscallion Account #2

Rapscallion Account #2 — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 10:13:49 +0000

Wow, what a mess. I can’t believe you put up with this for 8 years.
Ok, bout the only thing i can tell you to do is start putting money aside. Every time you go grocery shopping stick $10-$20 in your wallet. Save up every little dime you can. Once you have enough to move in to your own place, start looking for a job. Once you have one, move out.
Do yourself a favor this time, do not let him know where you are until you have filed for divorce and custody of the children. This way he can’t pull the same stuff that he has been doing.
Good luck.

By: Pure Star

Pure Star — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 03:14:30 +0000

WOW You are an incredible person. You have been extraordinarily capable and it is great that you trying to provide a stable environment for your children. From what you say your husband is not interested in honouring you or the children. You have allowed him to dominate and you perhaps became reactive to his behaviours. It is time to take stock. If you want a fulfilled life dong the activities that have value to you then you may have seriously choose. If you have not filed for custody of all your children do so immediately, do not wait. You only have to show that you can provide for them properly. Good luck

By: LiLo

LiLo — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 22:02:01 +0000

Pls. this is a serious one. You should consult or go to a counselling session. There an expert will give u a better advise. Pls. do this for your own good and dont let ur husband know.

By: Mary K

Mary K — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:17:19 +0000

Your life is a train wreck…no place to call home, an uncaring husband and you never got a real education.
Get out and try to borrow money and move back with a relative, get a job and make some money.
And, stop getting pregnant. it will take a few years,…but you need to get your life back on track.
Good luck!

By: Cali Girl

Cali Girl — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 15:16:27 +0000

Perhaps I can help. I’ve been there and done this. First, as bad as this might sound, children are considered property and possesion of them is 9/10ths of the law. So basically whoever has them in their physical posession, has them and the only way to get them back or visitation is to go through the courts. Second, once you get to court, DEMAND that he go in for a hair and nail folicle test, this is both for drugs and alchohal. With regard to pulling the kids from school, I know exactly what you mean, but doing it now while they’re still young is the best time. Trust me! I too was in your shoes with one exception, I fortunately had my parents to go to. I had a junkie/cross dresser of a husband for 10years, and all the while, I had NO IDEA! I have 3 very yound kids, two of which are twins, and one of my twins has aspergers syndrom, which is autism for those who don’t know. My BEST advice, get out, if even to a shelter, I know it sounds bad and a last resort, but it seems as if you’re already there. Trust me, you are one step ahead of me with having your AA, I didn’t. What I did have though was a good mind. I too got into the accounting field at the age of 17 and by the time I was 22, I was the VP of Audit at a MAJOR company. By the time I was 24, I was CEO and never stopped working harder to obtain whatever I needed too for my kids. Another thing to do if you already haven’t, watch the movie, “Pursuit of Happiness” it’s a true story and it will help you make that final, most important move. With your degree, and even though the economy is slow, I am confident that you can get a job. Also, welfare, that’s what it’s there for. Once you’re one welfare, they will pay for childcare full-time. I know that it doesn’t sound like the best at first, but just remember, your children are young enough not to remember, (and they are the ones that you’re ultimately doing this for) and within no time, you’ll be self sufficient and glad you went through all of this for them and yourself in the longrun. Again, I know it sounds a lot easier said than done, but Like I said, I’ve been there and done that. Even had I not had my parents, who are the only people that I had, I would of proudly gone to a shelter. When you make it in the end, it’s all worth it. If you ever need anyone to talk to further, drop me an email, cause sometimes it takes someone else whose been throught it to help you go through it. I had no one and nothing. I walked with the clothes on our back and now am a million % better for doing such.

By: Bethy4

Bethy4 — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 12:47:45 +0000

Long isn’t the word, I didn’t read it all because it is truly a freakin mess and I just can’t see how you could be a part of such a saga. Babygirl, get your life together, you are a Mother and with all the drama you are living, I feel for that baby. Unless and until you realize the crap that is going on in and around you, well, you will be knee deep in it – leave the past behind, step into now and the future will be brighter. I pray you have a Blessed New Year. God Bless.

By: q answers

q answers — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 06:17:43 +0000

so, now you know why he moved there
“my hubby couldn’t deal with his sister and started staying out even more, a few times staying over at his high school crushes house, she lived in a nearby neighborhood”
just divorce this loser, you sound like a great person with a lot of future ahead. he’s really not going to be a good influence on your kids

By: smiles

smiles — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 01:40:54 +0000

Counseling is the first thing to get for the girls and quit making excuses. That’s all I read is excuses. Once a drug addicted always a drug addicted. I had one of them. This is domestic violence. Read about it. Its emotional, physical, financial, verbal and sexual abuse. Yes, I say sexual cause I feel the 2 older girls were molested if he was so anxious to get them every chance he could and they have expressed anger. I say get them into counseling and I bet you will find out that he or his drugged up friends molested the girls. You need counseling as well. You’re immature still. Once you get abused you know other way of living but to be abused. I had been abused by my ex hubby who is a drug addict. No one can tell you what to do its up to you. Not all families are the same. My dad disowned me when I had my son out of wedlock. This man is 33 not 3. You need to let him go. He’s done enough damage to you and the kids. You don’t love him its fear. Fear is love. I still love my ex hubby but its the fear. My ex hubby abused me. He strangled me, pushed me, slapped me, punched me, kicked me and swat my neck ok he tried many times to kill me. Now, I can see this man hasn’t done any of that to you but his anger from his drugs and drinking is causing more harm to you and the kids. It will get worse. You will stay with him until he dies from the drinking I can tell. You need help with the fact that he’s never going to stop drinking. I had to finally divorce my drug addict hubby. I am not any better but it feels much better to know that don’t have to continue watching over my shoulders if any cops are watching me. My ex hubby is 46 and been doing drugs since he was 13 so that’s 33 years of it. All abusers will always blame others for their problem. If you want to break away from this man and live in peace than I suggest you seek a woman’s shelter. Find an Option House or go to the court and ask if they have any programs for you to get away from him. If he hasn’t change 3 years ago he’s never going to change. What is it that you’re waiting for? I know you need a job but too many excuses. When I say too many excuses is cause I did the same things you did. I worried about him. I cared for him. Even if he strangled me, pushed me, kicked me, slapped me, punched me, karate chop my neck while I was driving, ok, this man was mean and hateful towards me just like your hubby but he uses control instead of physical blows. I had to deal with his abuse for 15 years. Its going to get worse if you don’t put your foot down. Are you willing to wait? I know many abusers do change. My sister’s alcoholic hubby finally quit drinking after 23 years when he almost died this year. He also stopped doing speed and weed after 23 years. You should see what it would be like in 23 years for you but I have to say my sister is a mess. She’s on anxiety pills and have bad OCD-obessive compulsive disorder. Why don’t you go to corporate offices since you have a degree in accounting or find a company who does financial planning and you can do that at home. You can go work for a bank, payroll or small businesses as a bookkeeper. I just hope after all these posts you have a set goal of what it is you really want. You seem like you don’t have a clue since I see a lot of excuses. One more thing, being with an older man is against the law so this is why he left the state. He could have been charged with rape. Lets hope this is a lesson learned but you seriously need to get away. He’s doing nothing to better his life and he’s bringing you down with him and he doesn’t care. Trust me cause I have been there and done all what you had stated. I was once pregnant with my ex hubby’s baby and he left me a month later when I told him. He never held a job. He was always stoned. He was always paranoid. I can go on forever but read and learn. This post may not help but I hope it gets some points across to you. You’re hubby is fixable but he will have to hit rock bottom to get better. You can also get him into a rehab place but I don’t know where you live but many states have outpatient or alnon drug programs. I will pray for you and hope they girls get into counseling. Trust me if you don’t they will mimic his behavior and become an alcoholic and drug user. Just do what is right in your heart.