To Let Go Or Not To Let Go. To Move On Or Not To Move On.to Still Love Him Or Not. Confuuussseeed!?
Okay. This is not just a fling thing. While I was browsing this page – I decided to share my burden to you guys, knowing that ur advices will help me decide what to do.
Here’s the story :
Last 2004, my two friends/ hs classmates asked me out. (Alex and Jm) I was only 15 at that time, 2nd yr HS, but has never been into any relationship and stuff. So I went out with one of them- Alex is his name. He’s my FIRST. first love and so on, u get d idea. I knew at that very moment, I know what LOVE is. Sounds cliche, but true. Our parents have no idea about us- since we decided to keep it as a secret, knowing that our parents will disagree. After 8 months, my parents found out that I’m going out with him. We argued about this- but they said they understand but they just want me to prioritize my studies first. I talked to him and told him to keep our relationship- he said yes. after a week, I found out that he moved to another place, another school.I lost contact with him. I’m angry coz he just left me without saying ANYTHING. He never texted me or called me or anything. The school year has ended and I never heard anything from him- so I decided to move on and stuff. When I turned 16, my other friend, Jm, asked me out AGAIN. He told me he still love me and stuff, so during those times, we become closer and I fell in love with him. I knew tat time that I love him and I was sure at that time. Our family agreed about us. Last November 2006, during our Senior year, my family decided to migrate here in New Zealand. I was so devastated at that time- coz it was my last yr in Hs, I don’t want to leave my friends, my school, my place, and HIM. but I have no choice, WE have no choice. BUT we talked about us, and we decided to keep our relationship, *long distance*, he promised he’ll wait for me and stuff. Nov.16,2006- I left Philippines. anyway, the first 2 months of our long distance relationship was good. We text each other everyday, call each other twice or 3x a week. I was happy coz we’re doing good despite of the distance between us. School starts here, and so as College in the Philippines. We became busy but still have time to text and call each other- ONE DAY- my best friend called me and told me that Jm, my boyfriend is going out with somebody else. SO i called him and asked him bout that, he just said “SORRY”.that’s it, we’re DONE. He has somebody else. He cheated on me. I was so hurt/devastated/hopeless that time. I wanna go back to philippines, I want to see him, coz I can’t believe it’s true. I can’t ACCEPT what he has done. I can’t believe it. I’ve always known him as a responsible, honest person. so yah.after that, I haven’t heard anything from him. My goshh. I was like so depressed at that time – I cried and cried over and over again. my friends and family told me to just let go and move on. but i CAN’T. I really CAN’T. I love him. SO MUCH. after 2 years, I decided to TOTALLY move on. to TRULY ACCEPT EVERYTHING. It’s been so hard for me. but during those times, his family, especially his mom, always texts me and ask how am I coping. they’re so good to me. anyway. I decided to just focus on my studies first, and my ministry. I decided to give everything to God, and asked him to help me move on. I STILL love him- so I decided to be single- and not go out with anyone. Last June 15,2008- received a text from my FIRST boyfriend, ALEX. after almost 4 years. I was SO SHOCKED. he asked for my home number. so he called me. It was SO WEIRD. then we talked about a lot of stuff. he explained to me EVERYTHING.The truth is, he found out that he has a heart disease, and stuff. so he decided to just leave and not call me and everything. but he’s okay now- so he asked my friends for my number- den yah. so yah. we got back together. his parents also told me everything, they said sorry to me and stuff. so yah. He always text me and call me and stuff. he’s so sweet. he said that he’ll prove to me that he still loves me and yah.
so we’re going out for almost 2 months now..
THIS IS MY PROBLEM NOW GUYS. :
LAST WEEK, JM,my ex bf called me. my goshh..I cried when I heard his voice. then he said sorry to me, and everything.. we talked about us, what happened him, and me. in short, we have communication again. I told alex bout this- and he asked me if I still love Jm. He asked me who I really love.
and I CAN’T ANSWER HIM.
I know i still love Jm, but to be honest, I don’t want him back. coz I don’t want to fell that pain again. I’ve been through a lot because of him – and I don’t want them to happen again. I just want myself to STOP LOVING HIM. I’m going back to Philippines this december- for 2 months vacation- Jm’s mom is expecting me to visit them and stuff, so as Alex’s fam.
HELP GUYS. I’m so confused.
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That was a long one. Ok. Where to start. I don’t even know. *sigh*
I just want to sidetrack from the problem a bit before i begin. Do you think that it is possible that Alex leaving you without saying anything and thereby leaving you devastated made it just that much easier for you to fall for Jm?
So. I think you know this already but, you’re going to need to let go of Jm. You used up two years of your life thinking of him even after he cast you aside and he just now decides to come along and tell you he wants you back when it seems to be convenient for him? If you choose to go back with him that would be wasting TWO LONG AND HARD years of effort trying to get away from the pain. He had two years to try to make amends and he didn’t use it. TWO YEARS. I can’t even stress how long that is. When you go to the Philippines you can be sure to visit Jm’s mom and the others who made sure to check up on you but don’t go with any intention of befriending Jm, you don’t need that kind of person.
Now for Alex. That is a good kid. The reason he left without saying goodbye is most likely that he thought he was going to die. When he left, i’m sure it was easy for you to blame it on him, to be angry rather than sad. Anger makes it easier to deal with losing something. You don’t feel it as much and i’m sure he knew that. He was giving you a clean break. A way to start over fresh without any ties. He must’ve known about your loyal nature and didn’t want to have you fret or waste your love on someone that you could very well lose and then have to mourn for. It probably wasn’t easy for him to do it all but he did it with your best interest at heart. He’s the kind of guy you want to keep.
In conclusion, Alex had a heart disease since even his parents back him up whereas who’s to say Jm is really genuinely sorry? Oh and about stopping the feelings for Jm, i know what your personality is like and to be honest, you probably won’t be able to just flat out do that. It will take time but being with Alex should make it easier on you.
Hope this helps. And use more punctuation and appropriate tenses in your question next time. It helps the readers understand better.
Even your avatar is pitiful-looking.
Get some self-esteem.
Dump the idiot.
Make your life about something more than chasing an IDIOT cheating fool.
GOOD LORD, THATS LONG
You say stuff a lot!
You are sooo lucky not many people can find long lasting relationships so consider that good. BUT! honestly you have a better chance with alex because he had a reason a GOOD reason. But some guy who claims he loves you and then cheats on you the next day that is not right now here is the dilemma.
ALEX- really did love you and was afraid to break your heart even tho it still hurt you that he was trying not to but it hurt you more and i dont know how you felt so i dont kno how well you would have handled the heart disease thing but at least now you know that he didnt just leave u hanging.
JM however makes me kinda mad! even though i can some what understand his position. He loved you and said that and hopefully he meant it but long distance realtionships are hard when your that age because of the fact that boys are attracted to other women no matter HOW MUCH they love you. and that doesnt mean that he didnt regret it because he probably did and seeing as he said sorry nad explained makes it harder to choose..
because if Alex didnt have the hearts diesease how do you know if he wouldnt have cheated ony ou as well. but to be safe you should take Alex back because he seems more reliable and ask him to give you a warnig that way you dont end up like you did the last time.
I really hope this helped! and if you need more help email me at abex0210@yahoo.com
Honestly, what both of the guys did was wrong. You just have to figure out who you can forgive. I can understand what Alex did to you because he almost had no choice, but to leave you. He could’ve called, and told you what was going on though. I think what Jeff did was completely wrong, and unforgivable. If he can leave you just like that, and not even care. Then he can possibly do it again. So, I, personally would go with Alex.
Hope I helped.
you should move on – jm cheated on you! you shouldn’t go back to him, but you can try to patch things up with alex.
ok wow, so here goes. you loved alex first so i would choose him. plus he had a good reason to move away and not tell you. you and jm were in a long distance relationship and he cheated. so to me alex looks better than Jm. take a little time and create a pros and cons list about each of them and think reallllllly hard why you love each one of them. im sure the answer will come to you.
ok first off… both of them screwed you over. What do you owe them? Nothing. Second. Go with the person you truly love. Third. Your what, in your early 20′s? Jesus go out and party and have fun! Relationships are great and all, but when your young, all they can do is hurt you in the end. Look at how much you went through for both of them. Don’t make such a huge deal over it. I have, I know from experience. Believe me, ulcers suck. Dont do that to yourself.
Jim the one that cheated on you is a jerk. Alex left and didn’t communicate with you because he felt he was protecting you. I feel like God blessed you by having Alex call you back. Tell Jim he made a mistake that takes too much time to heal. Go out with Alex. Keep working on forgiving Jim as a friend. If Alex doesnt work out then you can always go back to Jim, (even though I personally think he’s a jerk)(sorry.) You can be friends with Jim, but I’d go out w/ Alex.
omg got i cant even r feel ur pain ur going through
all i can give u is my advice
Alex has my vote
it was so sweet of him to let him go
through the pain and misery
and dealing with him all by himself
All the best and forever u be happy with him!!!!!!!!!http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
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